Grand Prix San Diego - Diligent. Patient.

It seems I only actually write on this blog when my emotions are at one extreme or the other (or both). I think that's the only time I feel like i'm venting way too much on Twitter, and need a more complete forum to get all my thoughts out. It's really kind of selfish, actually. This blog started with good intentions, bringing weekly light-hearted fun about the goings on of the MTG community across the interwebs, but the weeks where I didn't have anything i was passionate enough to write about, were really dry and boring, and soon enough, i just skipped those weeks, and soon enough, months would pass without writing... Until I feel the need to vent or gush or whatever. The people who pay me the courtesy "pat on the back" make it work for me, and I appreciate them. Looking back, its unlikely they got much useful from anything I've written thus far, but hopefully at least a chuckle here or there.

I used to care how many people read this blog. I used to actually look at the statistics, and see how many people clicked my morning link and my afternoon link. This is really just for me, and I've got some kind of mental block against just a journal of my own. So I have to put these emotional pieces under the ruse of a blog about Magic: the Gathering.

Back on 6/24/11, I wrote one of my lengthier, emotion ridden, blog posts. Near the end, I talked about how good it was for me to set a goal on my performance for a StarCity Event. I spent some time thinking of a new goal. I wanted it to be realistic, and not too distant. I chose GP San Diego, and Day 2 as a very respectable goal. What I said on my blog that day: "I need to be diligent in preparation and patient in execution. Diligent. Patient. Not my two best qualities."
Diligent in Preparation
With nearly 5 months to prepare, for what i thought was going to be constructed, I know I can create a plan that will put me in the best spot to attain my goal. When the format changed to Limited, my chances only improved. I've actually been grinding PTQ's this season pretty hard, trying to Qualify for Hawaii to attend with some friends of mine. I've been drafting many times a week. I've been building sample pools, sharing them with friends and rebuilding them. I've been watching videos of pros playing the format. I've been opening/participating in some great productive conversations about card valuations and archetypes. I will say, that up until 11/11/11, I was following my plan to a T. The more I knew the format, the more scared I was of sealed. I knew I wanted a strong pool, and was confident in my abilities if I got one.

Patient in Execution:
Since I set this goal, my actual game play finally started edging out of the plateau I had been experiencing, but very slowly. I punted my way out of a Standard PTQ top8 in round 9, when I was the only X-1 who couldn't draw. (notably, this is the last time i was emotional enough to blog about magic) I've been also playing a lot of MTGO both by myself, and with my local ringers. My execution was improving. I don't typically make a punt where someone points it out later, and I never saw it. That does happen sometimes though. Usually I see it the second I commit to the exact opposite line of play. This is why I wanted to focus on patience. I now feel that may have been a mistake in my mindset. It's the actual physical execution that i need to focus on. I need to play every turn the same way whether I have a trick or not. I need to focus on playing the same whether I feel the game is locked up or already lost or down to the wire. I need to execute my lines of play perfectly. I see the lines, even in the moment, I just don't execute them correctly. Sometimes I think too far ahead and get confused as to where I am in the line once I get half way through it (This happens when I'm playing Solidarity in Legacy, more than limited and also chess). I also need to not let my EMOTIONS affect my execution. not only does my body language reflect how I'm feeling and likely tip off my opponent that i have 4 lands in hand, but it makes me play worse. I've been forcing myself to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and re-evaluate the board in these cases. It helps. But sometimes i don't catch myself until its too late.

The Trainwreck

So I opened a pretty amazing pool. In the hulabaloo that is the GP, I ended up with way too many sealed pools to keep them all separated for further review. But I did save my maindeck, and remember all sideboard cards I actually played:

White:
Mikaeus, the Lunarch
Geist-honored Monk
Rebuke
Silvertail Fox
Midnight Haunting
Mausaleum Guard
Thranben Sentry
Avacyn's Priest
Voiceless Spirit (x2)
Smite the Monsterous
Slayer of the Wicked

Black:
Abatoir Ghoul
Bloodline Keeper
Night Terrors
Victim of Night (x2)
Deadweight
Tribute to Hunger
Walking Corpse

Artifact:
Juggernaut

Green:
Garruk, the Veil-Cursed
Parallel Lives (While, I used this card to AWESOME effect every time i cast it, i decided that was just really lucky, and i boarded it out EVERY round, usually for an urgent exorcism, or sometimes just a stromkirk patrol)

Lands:
Shimmering Grotto
Forest x2
Plains x6
Swamp x8

SB cards I used:
Night Terrors (second copy)
Urgent exorcism x2
Stromkirk Patrol
Purify the Grave

Round 1 (yeah, no byes, i suck etc etc. I had a bye for a while, but been rough beats this PTQ season)
I show up about 45 seconds late to my round from a restroom break, to see I've got a Game Loss. NBD. I play Tapper, into Mikaeus into bloodline keeper. My opponent played a pump wolf or something. Next Game, I played Mikaeus into Garruk. Was never close either game. At this point I'm feeling pretty good, just won two in a row in the face of a game loss. (1-0)

Round 2 I played a nice guy, by the name of Kelvin. He must have been somewhat local, because a lot of my friends knew who he was. He played solid, but game 1 i resolved a bloodline keeper and a garruk with a parallel lives in play. Game 2 I curved out against his mana screw and put it away. Now i'm ready to take on the world. haven't lost a game yet, and loving my deck. (2-0)

Round 3 I played Jiann, from Australia. I lost game 1, on a marginal keep. Certainly owning that. I kept 5 lands (all 3 colors) Night terrors, and Geist Honored Monk. When I never drew another spell, I never had a chance. I won Game 2 on the back of a mikaeus on x=6, pumping a field of dudes. Game 3 had some play to it, and I didn't win. I'm pretty sure I played it right, but couldn't get there. I made an attack that would set me up to win the next turn, supposing my opponent didn't top deck brimstone volley (i just night terrors him, and knew it wasn't in hand). He did. I lost. Bleh. After Fallin gto 2-1 it made me sad I never got there on a GPT. I knew this was a big setback, but was pretty confident my deck could easily 5-1 the rest of the day.
(2-1)
Round 4 I misplaced my notes on this round, but it was very short, I remember eating lunch before round 5, and my opponent playing some marginal cards. (3-1)

Round 5. This is the most important round of the day to me, for several reasons. 1, i played my strongest opponent of the day. Noah Long, CAN nationals team member. 2, I played very poorly. 3, I was a dick. Noah's deck was pretty poor, IMO. Game 1 I won on the back of a quick curve out. Game 2 he won with a team of moon herons, i couldn't find removal for. (removal was my only out to multiple fliers). Game 3, however, is the reason why a great player with a bad deck wins over a mediocre player with a good deck. I punted 3 times to my memory thsi game, and any one of them probably saves me the game/match. I neglected to remember a geistflame in the graveyard that was milled to a splinterfright, which cost me the creature I was applying pressure with. I also used the wrong removal spell on the wrong creature. I had a rebuke and a victim of night in hand, and i Knew his deck had werewolves, but i still used the rebuke on a moon heron, when i could have used the victim, and saved rebuke for a werewolf (which ultimately killed me). And third, when he played a trick I wasn't expecting, i responded and used that victim i didn't use earlier on a creature that basically didn't matter to "offset" his trick. I was saving that removal for an actually relevant creature, and totally putned. After all is said and done, all of our threats had traded off (instead of me still having a 5/4 trample thranben sentry in play) and we were topdecking. He had very few cards left due to splinter fright, and we were matching threat for removal and vice versa. I was at a decent life total, while his was fairly low. Eventually he flops down a villagers of estewald 2/3. It soon becomes a 4/6 and is beating me down, i hit a pocket of lands, finally get down a chumper, which he grasps 2 turns, and i replay it the 3rd time, he top decks a kessig wolf run with 3 cards left in his deck. The activation was well-enough to finish me off. I lost this match. It was my fault completely, and it was frustrating. My opponents deck was not that strong, but he played tight, and deserved to win. I made a couple comments earlier on in the match, that i believed to be light-hearted, but it seemed as though he thought i was taunting him or being salty. I just backed off with my jokes, as to not continue giving that impression. One such comment was when I night terrored him, and he had 3 lands in play, none in hand and 2 double-R spells, among other cards he couldn't yet cast (no mountains in play). i said, "wow i'm bad, but you kept that?" Respectfully, he said, "I would never insult another player like that, I probably just drew them." I nodded. This part, i'm not embarrased about. But after he won game 3, i said, "I guess Noah brings me the flood!" I was joking, obviously, but still, it was rude of me to say anything like that, especially since it wasn't the flood pocket at the end that cost me, but my play error. I said after, "I know who you are, I know you're a good player, i'm not trying to talk down on you, i'm just frustrated." but i think my tone still may not have come off right. He walked away kind of abruptly. This bothered me for a while after (continued). Now I"m x-2, and need to win out 4 in a row. Again, i know my deck is capable, but i no longer have room for variance, and certainly not to play as badly as i just had. (3-2)

Round 6

i played a player who was clearly pretty new. He was unclear about rulings, and asking a lot of elementary questions. His deck was bad, but he wasn't making awful plays or anything. This match was nothing noteworthy. I'm sure i made mistakes, but none of them were notable because my opponents deck didn't do very much. (4-2)

Round 7
I played a "very nice gentleman" by the name of Matt Kurtin.
I stomped this fool into the ground with my bombs. Yeah, I had bombs, it was nice.
This was my best story of the event. This guy is an angle shooter. He admitted being an angleshooter, and then called me a dick for calling him an angleshooter. He indicated no blocks by asking "6?" the amount of damage he was about to take with his pen in hand about to adjust life totals, when I said no, and went to play a midnight haunting to increase the size of my geist-honored monk, he claimed he never passed his blocks. I told him right then, that it was shady, he argued with me and got aggressive, i won the next turn anyway so i didn't bother with a judge. Prior to this, we were both very friendly, but when i called him out on the shadiness, he just totally flipped modes. (huge mistake, seriously, just call a judge in this case) After I beat him, he started trying to twist the story to get his buddy Matt Nass to not realize what a prick he is, i cleared it up promptly. After our voices escalate a bit, I start just walking away with my match slip, and he shouts behind me, "I hope this tilts you out of the next round." I replied, "I'm not the one tilted, you're the one going home." Albeit, not the "bigger man" thing to do, but it does give a nice punchline to the end of the story. (5-2)

Round 8
I won this round with @marshall_lr sweating me immediately on my right. My first game, marshall was getting deck checked and was watching my first several turns. I played especially bad that game. Threw me off when i noticed out of the corner of my eye he was taking a picture! Ack! I didn't actually mind, but it did kind of startle me. It ended up not being relevant, but i tried to cast smite the monstrous on a 3 power creature, just dumb. During game 2, my opponent cast a garruk, and killed my voiceless spirit, then the next turn made a wolf. I followed that up by casting my own garruk. This was the first time i had to cast a planeswalker to kill another planeswalker in limited, hopefully it will also be the last time. I lost that game, but went on to win the match when my opponent boarded into a completely different (see: much worse) deck game 3. (6-2)

Round 9
I played a guy who had a very aggressive red deck, with tons of burn spells. I lost two quick games, one of which was a mull to 5, and likely should have shipped that in for 4. My deck literally took a nap this round, and of all the rounds this was the only one where i felt totally hopeless. This was my variance round, and I shouldnt' have put myself in such a situation where I couldn't afford this to happen at least once. When I scooped game 2, i picked up 15 face up cards off the table, 3 of them were spells, one of which was my most recent drawstep. I was seated right next to my good friend who was simultaneously losing his win-and-in. We had our whole team of friends behind us watching us get pushed out of day 2. fucking heartbreak. (6-3)

So that was my GP experience. That was the result of the "Diligent" preparation and the "Patient" execution. It's clearly the execution I need work on. Focus on each round, each play, each turn, each line. Keep centered at all times, leave the emotions for telling stories between rounds. All much easier said than done.

Sunday was a nightmare, I dropped 0-2 from the PTQ, after being shafted by a bad judgecall that i didn't appeal, but the Head Judge later told me i should have (and yes i should have). Played a bunch of side events, and about half my rounds were no-shows because people think its really cool to double queue and just max their pwp. Once i'm out of the GP, i'm trying to have some fun and play some magic. Thanks a lot for ruining that guys. Even in an X-0 bracket, the free win is nice and all but after 4 or 5 times of just sitting theri waiting for the 10 minute match loss is really annoying, its like disconnecting on someone in MTGO, except i can see you in the Standard event across the hall, and i still have to sit here and wait.

The good part (Yeah, there was a good part)
I got to meet a few twitter people like Kenji (@numotthenummy) and Marshall (@marshall_lr) which was pretty cool. We only got a brief chat, but was pretty cool to put real faces to the voices I know. When I sat next to marshall, it was almost as if i was listening to a podcast while i play, because i could hear him announcing his plays and such right next to me, and he has a very distinctive voice. Was a bit surreal. I also got to meet Tom Martell (@semisober), and tease him about my Snapcaster play. I was waiting for an opening to introduce myself, but tried my best to pick a moment when he wasn't surrounded by 100 other pros, as to not come off as the biggest barn in history. Tom was really cool, which was refreshing. Most pros i've met so far have not been cool at all. I get it, I'm not a pro, I am there for not capable of understanding your intellectually superior speak. Assholes. Anyway, Tom's not like that, seemed like a genuinely good person. Or, at the least, fooled me. Had a lot of fun with my buddies just playing magic. Between rounds of the side events, or when we had no shows, we battled legacy, and birded our other friends. Sunday definitely had a gloomy feel to it, as most of us were pretty disapointed in not making day 2, but we made the most of it, met some pretty cool people, and played a bunch of magic. 5 of us joined a 32man sealed event, winner takes home a foil set of ISD. My friend Justin won, and we finally got to go home, in the last event before the hall closed. We all got to smile a bit, knowing at least someone got to leave with something, and so closed the weekend.

Thanks for reading this purge. I know it was long, but thanks. I just don't understand how Pros do it. how do they play perfectly every time. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO PERFECT MY EXECUTION?! I see things correctly, i just don't DO them correctly. I've tried slowing down, i've tried speeding up, i've tried sitting on my hands, I've tried counting to 3 once i've made my decision before i announce any plays. I'm not rage quitting magic, or anything, but i'm just not sure playing competetive magic is something I"m going to excel at. Prior to saturday, i was confident i'd get there one way or the other some day. Now i'm not so sure. I had a perfect pool, and i couldn't do it. I was prepared (diligently). I had the tools to do it. I didn't do it. Only one thing wasn't perfect. Me. *sigh*

The last time I wrote like this, i set a new goal (to day 2 gp san diego). I dont have a goal now. I have 1 ptq left before hawaii, and i honestly dont even want to play. I doubt i'll be travelling to any non-limited GPs, and this last 5 months i've committed the maximum amount of time (and other resources) i have available to preparation and improving my game. Either I'm just not ready, and I need to hone on a smaller stage, or i wont be ready, and i should just be happy drafting at my local store and performing well there. Unfortunately, thats not the way I operate. I'm a passionate person, I like to do things full-measure (breaking bad, anyone?). I know if Magic becomes less competetive for me, and more fun, I'll simply stop playing. Just like I did with Poker 6-7 years ago (i now play on and off at low limits if friends invite me). Just like I did with basketball 10-12 years ago (haven't laced up the sneaks in years), just like I did with MAGIC 15 years ago. These are all things I am/was VERY good at. But I ran out of room to grow, or when I tried to advance, i was forced to retreat. A week ago, I'd have told you I'd play magic for life. now i'm not sure. i'd like to think so. it really is a great game. But if I don't feel like i have room to continue to grow, i wont keep doing it. I'm never satisfied when things are stagnant, and i likely wont have another big opportunity like the GP to prove myself worthy on a higher level of competition for sometime. I guess after the post-GP depression wears off, we'll see if i can find another big event to prepare for. If not, who knows....